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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, MERLIN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 135.18.129.14 * Merlin has joined 135.18.129.14 <merlinofcourse> ⌁˚⊹ You have reached Prince Merlin ⊹˚⌁ <merlinofcourse>** I know how to use computers now~

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[Ah, the person he was told about. Oh boy, now that it's happening? He's a little nervous. This is...a lot of baggage to put on a stranger all at once.]

Um...hello! Yes, thank you, I really do appreciate you taking the time to do this. It's just, uhhhh, how do I put this...it's a lot. I mean, when I start to explain what's wrong, it probably won't be a lot word-wise, but when you read it, you'll probably be like "Oof, yeesh, this IS a lot."

So I won't blame you if you want to back out now.

[The makes Pure Vanilla smile a little. He can't help it.]

Have no fear of that, my friend, I have seen and heard quite a few things in my time that would count as "a lot". I will listen with an impartial mind, and will cast no judgement upon your words, for it is not my desire nor my place to do so.

You may tell me whatever you wish, and I will listen.

[Oooohhh boy, he really hopes he isn't smiling on the other side of that screen, because he's going to stop smiling real soon.]

It's not judgement I'm worried about, my friend. I just fear you'll stress yourself over trying to solve an unsolvable problem.

But I make it no secret that I'm miserable here. I'm not sure if you saw my disaster of an inquiry, or my conversation with Clotted Cream, but I am not joking when I say I cry every night. I just...do it outside. So it doesn't bother my friends while they sleep.

I KNOW I'm not the only one suffering, but...

...I lost a lot of people very dear to me when I arrived here. Friends, friends I considered family. And...my wife.

I was taken after my wedding day.

It will not do to place and compare your suffering to that of others, so do not burden yourself with that for now. Yes, many of us suffer, but your pain is new and fresh to you, and you have the right to grieve.

I am sorry, for your loss and your pain, especially after a day which should have been followed by many more of joy and wonder. That pain will not be easy to heal from, or to let go of. I will not offer you trite platitudes, but I will offer you this. If you consider people here your friends, do not hide your pain from them. Many shy away from reaching out, feeling it a burden that they wish not to place on anothers shoulders, but I will always say a burden is only a burden to you, for you are carrying it alone. Pain shared is pain reduced, and it does not bother your friends to share in it. Mourn with them, let them take some of the weight.

[Pure Vanilla doesn't want to give Merlin undue hope, when so many have failed to find ways home but...]

And do not mourn it as a finality. Mourn it as a temporary parting.

Edited 2023-06-14 05:45 (UTC)

Well, that's what I've been trying to do, anyway. It'd be foolish to give up so easily, especially after everything we've gone through.

I just...I don't know. I treasure the friends I've managed to make here deeply, truly, I do. I just...I don't know. Once I tell them, then what?

[Plus one of them is Beat now, and he's too much of a Good Boy to deal with that.]

[Then what. Ah, if only that question was as easily answered, as it was to ask. Pure Vanilla takes a moment to simply think. An unsolvable problem? No. There is always a solution.]

If only grieving were so simple a thing. I can only offer you advice, and hope something resonates within you as something that would help.

You let them share in the pain. But tell them of the good times as well. Do things that make you happy, even if it feels pointless, and make it an every day occurrence. Do not push yourself to get over it, there is no timeline or milestones to grief, but do not let yourself wallow in the pain either, for it has ways to mire you down.

And most importantly, my friend, be kind to yourself. Grief is cruel, this world is crueler, and you do not need to add to it by berating yourself.

[This reply won't come until later, possibly even the next day. He feels bad going silent like that, but some Stuff Happened and hey, at least he came back! Mostly because he needs to give credit where credit is due.]

Hey sooooooooo

I know I was a huge bummer last time, but I must say, I...did actually use your advise and it...kinda worked? I mean, obviously things aren't suddenly sunshine and rainbows, but your words did stick with me far better than I was ready for.

So, um, thank you!

Oh! I am glad to hear you are doing better! It will take time before things begin to really look better, but keep at it and take it slowly, and eventually things will begin to look up.

I hope so, I'm already quite tired of looking down.

...is there anything I could do to return the favour? I'm afraid I don't have much money yet, but I do work at a......bar. I could get you some bar.....stuff.

There is no need, it is my honor to help when someone needs advice, or an ear to talk to. All I ask is you be kind to yourself, and try not to bury your feelings, or 'tough it out'. There are people here for you, and it may be hard, but do reach out to them.

[Ugh, that is such a nonanswer!! Why are people just like that here? It's like he has to force his help onto people.]

Are you sure? I can't stress enough how...empty I feel when I'm unable to return a favour, it's sort of an honour thing, you know? I mean, sure, I can keep doing the things you've suggested, but it's like being asked to simply keep existing.

[Ah, someone like that. It makes Pure Vanilla smile. That's very sweet.]

There is nothing right now I require aid with, but may I call upon you in the future if something comes up I think you would be suited to help with?

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