youjustgot | IC Inbox

Um... no, that's not it. I've known him a little longer than you have, remember?

[It's not a competition, Maya—]

I know he's great. And I guess if we were dating, that would be great too! Cos it would just be all the same stuff we do now, but... better, right?

[Still, she seems unsure, continuing to strike that thoughtful pose.]

But I guess that's the whole problem. Like— last year, I was married to someone. And now he's not here. ANd now I'm doing all the same things I used to do with him... with someone else. And that someone else is like, a really good guy!

[...You know, usually Merlin and Hanna are the type to go on ramblings like this. It's pretty unusual for Maya. It's easier, too, to maintain her composure when having a text conversation with say, Lup, about this, rather than being in person. Now that she can just voice the first thought that comes out of her head? She's kind of following the boys's lead.]

So, does that mean I really like Hanna? Or am I just doing this stuff with him cos I miss Dandy? How do you know if you're really into somebody ifyou like a lot of people? And if I like him, what if he disappears too? What if I end up here forever and ever and people keep leaving and I just become a lonely old monster lady?!

[Maya puts her hands upt to her head, stressed, as she voices—]

Am I gonna turn into a mean old lady like Oldbag?!

[...somehow this is probably not the problem]

[There's so much to unpack here.

What kind of name is Dandy?

...What kind of name is Oldbag?

The more Merlin spends time with these people, the more the future sounds like something he doesn't want to be a part of. Names get weird, lamps run on lightning, people fill their vehicles with liquid dinosaur, it's all so...awful.

Thankfully, romance stays the same.]

I think... [He doesn't WANT to be a rambling mess for this answer, so he pauses, wagging his finger as he tries to piece together the best words for his thoughts.] ...in a world like this, especially in a world like this, that the one thing you shouldn't do...is hold back your affection if you think they're going to disappear one day.

[Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.]

If anything, it sounds like you should go for it as soon as you can, so you can be sure you get the most out of your time together.

[Luckily for the both of them, Merlin not sounding like a rambling mess helps Maya remember that she is, in fact, having a conversation and not talking to herself about this. She puts her hands very dutifully in her lap while she listens to him, and her shoulders fall a little.]

...I know you're right...

[IT's about the same sentiment she gave to Lup, after all.]

But... isn't it more complicated than that?

[Can it really just be that easy? Can she really just say this is fine? She stares down at her hands, toying with her little claws.]

I don't want to hurt Hanna even if I am a demon, you know.

How did you know what you felt for Snow White was real?

[And not just, you know, a symptom of his circumstances—]

Edited (she'd use the whole name) 2023-07-24 22:36 (UTC)

How did I know? [Yeesh, what a question.] I don't know...it's not like I go around faking my feelings...I suppose I always knew. Yes...I'd say it was love at first sight as I watched her unconscious body rest in my bed.

[..............wait, no that sounds super creepy out of context, what the hell.]

N-Not that I made her unconscious with the purpose of throwing her into my bed. I'm not some sort of weirdo. You see, she broke into our house. ...and we may have...attacked her...

[...is...is that better? He sits there, pursing his lips, wondering if that's better.]

...I mean, it wasn't ME, it was definitely, mostly Hans. All Hans. And, like, he might SAY he was just....following...my orders, BUT that's only because I didn't SEE the intruder and I tried to stop him once everything was cleared up. Alas, no one can stop his lust for blood...

...

[Oh lord, he's so far off track, he's practically in the ocean. This isn't romantic IN THE SLIGHTEST and Merlin stares at Maya, sweating bullets and drumming his fingers on his lap.

For a whole minute or two, he's silent.]

...it was love at first sight.

[To both their credit, Maya spends the whole time nodding with her hand over her mouth. She is not supposed to tease him, okay, and she is trying so Hard. Maya just. Keeps nodding during that silent minute, staring back at him, and nods even harder when he says it was love at first sight.

Until she scrunches her brow, and asks;]

...So you mean, you just thought she was pretty?

[WOW, called the fuck out. Merlin flinches at what feels more like an accusation than just an observation and once again tries to save face.]

I mean...I didn't just think that, but I suppose at the time...I did...since we didn't exactly have any conversations at that point. But there's definitely more to it, it was a whole thing, I swear I-

[And he stops, realizing that it...it couldn't possibly be love at first sight, because he had "fallen" for a disguise. The REAL Snow was much more than a monument to his superficial beliefs on beauty, she was a person who cared so deeply and made him feel so good. She wasn't someone he HAD to say "Please be nice to me" to because she always was.]

No...no, I suppose I noticed it was real when I realized I had never met someone who made me feel so good about myself. She saw someone kind in me, even while I was at THE lowest point in my life, and never once tried to make me feel bad for it. I knew...I knew I had to have her in my life. Always. I wanted to feel like that all the time, and I could only hope I made her feel the same.

...But I suppose I'll never know that now.

[He lost that opportunity, to spend the rest of his life with someone who only ever wanted to lift him up. Who thought he was funny and cute even while he was being a brat. He'll never get that back while he's here, he had to come up with a whole new catchphrase just to get a smidge of the kindness Snow has shown him. At least...he never wasted their time together...he's so glad he got the opportunity to have that wedding...and yet...]

Maya...if you do care for Hanna at all, you really should let him know. In the end, holding back doesn't help anyone, not in a world like this.

[What Merlin says... helps her more than probably either of them realize. When Merlin speaks about Snow White in that way, it's with this look in his face and this sound in his voice that Maya recognizes. It's soft, the way Dandy spoke about Catherine. It's warm, the way Lup spoke about Ianthe. It's the same look in his eyes that Fidds has regarding Marco in the simplest of times.

And for that sweet, short moment, Maya finds herself falling a little in love with Merlin as well. And that's it, isn't it? That's what she loves about people, isn't it? That's when she knew Dandy's love for her was as deep as it could be— when he spoke about Catherine with this adoring ache in his voice and still looked at her as though she was another star in the sky?]

...I think I know. Not about Hanna, I mean.

[Because of course she knows about Hanna— but that's not what she's getting at. She smiles her own sweet little smile at Merlin, bracing her palms against the desk and letting herself sink relaxedly into her own shoulders. It's strange, how even a demon's eyes can look soft, if they try.]

I know she must have loved you.

[And now... she knows what she has to do, to understand her feelings about Hanna.]

[Merlin nods.

He nods and finds himself wiping his eyes with his palm when he feels a familiar wetness well up. Dammit, it's nowhere near crying time and he's not about to do it at work, in the office.

Still, his heart aches when he hears Maya's words. He has no doubt Snow loved him, the curse probably wouldn't have broke if she didn't. No, instead he worries he never got a chance to make HER feel nearly as loved as she made him feel in their short time together. He had so much love to give, just ready to pour out, and now he just feels...clogged. Where is it all supposed to go? It's like constantly living like you have a word at the tip of your tongue, but the person you want to say it to isn't here to hear it. Wasted. Squandered.

It's a terrible feeling, he wouldn't wish it on anyone. He wonders...maybe this is how Maya feels about her husband... He can't think of anyone better than Hanna to take up that role, he'd be so gentle with her words.]

Right, right... [His voice wobbles just a bit.] I think... I think I just need to be alone tonight, if that's alright. Go ahead without me. I'll just...stay in Bavan for the night. Not, like, in the city, but under a tree in the park somewhere...or whatever it is nymphs do.

[He wastes no time to excuse himself, getting up and heading for the door. Maya and Hanna will probably appreciate the alone time, too, to get their feelings in order. It really benefits everyone, when you think about it.]

Good luck with Hanna, I'll be rooting for you two.

[It probably isn't the coolest thing for Merlin right now that Maya can bamf herself right in front of him at the door, but she can.

Luckily for him, she isn't here to stop him or make fun of him or anything like that. Rather, she reaches for his wrist so that she can press something into his palm; a pearl bracelet with a pair of keys on it.]

If you get scared or you remember that trees totally suck as beds... Come back here and spend the night with Little Miss, okay?

Eep!

[...............Well that was an embarrassing noise he just made.

Merlin clears his throat, taking the key and nodding gratefully.]

Heh, right, t-thank you. I'm sure the car noise will get to me before the trees do. Word of advise, never diss trees to a nymph. Honestly, you'd think that'd be obvious.

[Of course he gives the most playful of winks.]

[Mercifully, she doesn't comment on the noise— she just leans forward and gives her trademark sly smile.]

Well, I have to make sure you don't fall for my charms now, don't I?

[Her smile spreads wide, and before Merlin can do anything else, she steps forward to give him a hug— extra squeezy, but not too much, of course.]

IC Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, MERLIN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 135.18.129.14 * Merlin has joined 135.18.129.14 <merlinofcourse> ⌁˚⊹ You have reached Prince Merlin ⊹˚⌁ <merlinofcourse>** I know how to use computers now~