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Good. He's a total jerk, anyway. Probably a bigger jerk than Thomas Edison.

[...She doesn't actually know a lot about Thomas Edison, but in her head, he looks a lot like Luke Atmey. Also, Hanna said he was a jerk and a thief, so especially Atmey-like.]

He's not even good at being anonymous.

[She is not much better.]

[Ah, so they have a history. He was wondering why she cared so much, he just figured she came here to make fun of whatever internet mistake he made this time.]

Would you...like to tell me on the couch, or are we to continue this conversation with you behind me?

Oh!

...Sorry, I guess something felt natural about it.

[About talkign to someone with something block-shaped in front of her...? What a piss-poor meta joke!

...Anyway, maya lets the intrusive thoughts win, hoisting herself up over the back of the couch and dropping into the seat beside Merlin, planting her fist in her open palm.]

Have I got the goss for you.

[Let's be real, he's lived with a bunch of young, obnoxious men. There's no way they WEREN'T crawling over couches the exact same way. It's...comforting the way she slips next to him like that.

But there's no time to get sappy, it's time to be cringe.]

Spill the tea, sister.

Okay.

So this guy? His name is Aunamee. Total creep.

He says stuff like 'dear stranger' and 'don't you just looove being a big nasty man-eater, isn't it fulfilling what dear mommy has done for us?' and he totally thinks he's cool about it.

[She imitates him when she speaks, too, her voice pitching low and creepy and... remarkably accurate despite those not being things he'd actually say so casually, not that Merlin has the reference. But she continues with a frown—]

Well, he is pretty handsome when he's not a lich, but he's still a big danger-creep.

[...Merlin knows he shouldn't judge people by their monster, BELIEVE HIM, HE KNOWS. Still...something about liches specifically seems to make him shutter. He feels awful about it, he's talked to plenty of nice liches online, but...

...when you're a monster that's all about supporting and creating life, the monster whose entire existence consists on decay sets his plant brain off in the WORST way. There's a weird smugness his subconscious tries to make him act upon. "Oh OF COURSE the creepo is a lich, what else would he be???" Merlin is at least strong enough to fight against it, this Aunamee guy isn't a bad person because he's a walking, rotting corpse, he's a bad person because he likes the eating people thing. Apparently.]

Maya, please! You can't call someone handsome AND a creep at the same time! That's so weird.

Come on! Beautiful people can be evil too, you know.

And this guy is so evil!

[But isn't she also implying he's so beautiful??]

And anyway, it's not like he even has a face when he's all boney.

Believe me, there is nothing uglier than being evil. No matter what their face looks like.

[He had a whole movie to learn that-]

Besides, the more you say it, the more I'm just going to start thinking you have a crush on Mr. Creepy Boney Face~

Mmmm, no.

[Maya shakes her head, giving this entirely too much thought.]

I always like when the villain looks cool, but even I couldn't excuse a guy like that.

I always tried to think there's something good somewhere in every person, but...

[ I don't deserve the faith you place in me, Maya. I never did.

It's funny. It's hard to hear that in Aunamee's voice. Instead, it always plays in her head as Godot's. ]

I guess there's some problems that even believing in someone can't fix.

[Hm.

This is hard.

On one hand, most people who are truly wicked definitely don't deserve that kind of faith. They'll use it against you and strike the moment your guard is down, there are just too many people who will take their second chances and stomp all over them. Merlin's seen it firsthand, sometimes Snow trusted a little too much and then she ended up turning into a tree. He didn't exactly have the time to find "the good" in that witch, either. It was either she died or Snow did...

Then again, if he never got cursed and was given the chance to do better, he'd probably still be someone Maya or even Hanna would want nothing to do with.]

There's nothing wrong in believing in someone, it's just a matter of...figuring out if they're worth believing in. Which...who even knows how long that could take, sometimes people are......stubborn.

[LIKE, YEAR-LONG STUBBORN.]

In a perfect world, I'd believe in everyone, too.

[He's right, really. Maya is exactly that type— to put her trust somewhere it shouldn't be. She's certainly learned— learning— but she can't help it. Perhaps Merlin doesn't suspect it, but she'd be exactly the type to give the Old Merlin a chance... And just as she had with both Phil and Dandy, to be ecstatic when he started changing for the better.

But with people like Aunamee, that had become a weakness... or perhaps more than that.

Dealing with Aunamee, learning while she was a shade and after, had taught her true powerlessness; that there were things even the strongest conviction couldn't change. That some people had been so thoroughly damaged by time and circumstance that they could never be pulled out from the murky pit they had been drawn into. No matter how much you or anyone else tried to show them kindness.]

Yeah... But I guess, not even fairy tale princes come from perfect worlds, do they?

[She leans back on her palms, adding—]

At least I can believe in you and Hanna and Nick!

And you can believe in me to steer you clear of totally dangerous guys.

[Do not always count on that we JUST discussed how she believes in too many people—]

There wouldn't be any tales worth telling if it was.

[He chuckles to himself, leaning back and finally just closing his laptop. He doesn't need it right now, he's kind of tired of talking to weirdos on the internet anyway.]

Are you sure I'm the one who needs steering? I have a great "All Witches Are Actually Terrible" lecture I could give right now. I know how much you loooove when I get on that rant.

[It's now Maya's turn to bat Merlin with that couch cushion.]

I can handle big bad guys all by myself, you know!

[Don't listen to that smile in her voice she's wrong]

[Merlin takes the pillow like a champ, doesn't even complain.

No, instead he laughs. Not like his usual smug chuckles, he lets his guard down and just laughs. He was wondering when it'd be his turn to be pillowed, it's almost like he was just waiting for it.]

Oh I'm sorry, didn't you JUST tell me how haaaandsome~ you found the internet weirdo~?

[Oh good. Maybe he won't mind her playfully shoving that pillow at him all the more, ineffectively trying to toootally suffocate him.]

I said he was still evil! I can think both! I'm multi-faceted!

Ugh, you'd make a terrible hero! Imagine being in the midst of battle only to go "Ooh~ Mr. Lich, I know you're evil and trying to destroy everything I love, but goodness, those cheekbones~!"

[He says that all, of course, in an obnoxious "girl voice." While muffled with a pillow.]

"It's okay, I'm multi-faceted~!"

I don't even souuund like that!

[Squish! Squish!!]

You just want me to talk about your cheekbones instead!

[At that, his hand reaches up to forcefully remove some pillow out of his face.]

Ooh, yeah, could you?

[She reaches out to squeeze his cheeks between her thumb and fingers, wiggling his face just a little as she says with a cocked brown and her usual sharp-toothed grin—]

They're adorable.

And you're still a brat.

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, MERLIN. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 135.18.129.14 * Merlin has joined 135.18.129.14 <merlinofcourse> ⌁˚⊹ You have reached Prince Merlin ⊹˚⌁ <merlinofcourse>** I know how to use computers now~